Non-Labor Day

I took Labor Day off.  Obviously from work, since the office was closed, but more importantly, from being the go-to parent.  BB was home, as were both of my parents, and I was behind on writing and I wanted to get a bunch of organizing done in the office and I had an errand or two to run, so I kind of…stepped back.  I don’t know.  I still played with both girls, and did a little bit of tummy time, and if BB brought one of them upstairs to me or if they were both crying when I was downstairs I fed/changed/rocked them.  But for the most part I let him be in charge of the kids.  And it was nice.  I got a lot done, and felt accomplished, and it really really really made a difference in hitting the “reset” button on the week for me, since the weekend had been relatively busy.  Everything was pretty good.  

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This good, actually.

Except there were a few comments made that rubbed me the wrong way.  They were all made in a joking way, and to be completley honest at this point I couldn’t even tell you exactly what was said, but I’m like 99.8% sure they were legitimately meant as jokes.  But they still rubbed me the wrong way – can you still be hormonal 10 weeks after birth?  Because that’s what this feels like.  The underlying message of this jokes came across to me like I was being a neglectful parent for leaving them in the care of their father to get other things done, and that it was my responsibility to care for them unless I physically couldn’t be in their presence (i.e. work, baby/bridal showers, weddings, etc).  Doing a bunch of laundry and sorting through things to try to create a workable space didn’t qualify as “important” enough for me to leave my children with someone else (again, THEIR FATHER).

 

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Now, again, it’s important to note that I’m pretty positive that I’m BEING CRAZY with this interpretation of the jokes – I don’t think a single person I surround myself with actually thinks anything remotely like this.  But the jokes really did upset me – did everything have to be my responsibility unless I actively ask someone else to take it on? And I started to wonder if maybe this is where a lot of the Mommy Guilt comes from.  The idea that as a mother you’re supposed to do it all and be it all and if you’re asking for help or taking a step back you’re Doing It Wrong.  The more I thought about it the more ridiculous it became to me.  I can’t do everything myself (there’s literally not enough time in the day, plus I can’t be in multiple places at one time) and I’m a much happier person and better mother / daughter / friend / wife (technically fiancee whatever hater) when I don’t try.  When I have my glass of wine and read my book at night or do my nails or spend a day organizing a room.  


So I’m going to start analyzing the things I feel guilty about, and why, and if it’s a productive feeling.  Spoiler alert, I doubt it will be.  Guilt just never seems to be worth it, does it?

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