Since I’m such a goddamn perfectionist, while also managing to be one of the laziest goddamn people I know, I knew motherhood would be…difficult for me. I figure what better way to deal with my mental anguish at not being the perfect Lorelai Gilmore-perfect mother (I realize that June Cleaver is the usual reference here, but she’s become Stepford-wife creepy in my brain, so no thanks) than by documenting all the things I beat myself up over, and posting them to the internet. No way this can go wrong. Nope. No way. No how.
Even before I had kids, I was pretty introverted – nearly to the point of being a hermit. Approximately 85% of the time, I’d prefer to hang out at home, drinking wine and watching Netflix, to going out to the bar and drinking. Even if I did leave the house, it was usually just to go to someone else’s house to hang out. But I was good about one thing – you always knew if I was coming or not. Even if you never saw me for months on end, you always got my RSVPs. I rarely missed texts to hang out (even if I declined the invitation) and I always cleared out my Facebook invites (and not just with a bunch of Maybes). But holy crap since having kids I’ve become the friend I hate. The one who is always on her phone – checking up on the babies! – but answers texts like hours later, if at all. Who you find out isn’t coming to your party / dinner / whatever when she just fails to show up (and you determine she isn’t dead).
Now, before I had kids I hated this person (before it was me it was actually a boy, but whatever) because I felt like it was rude and disrespectful. You’ve got your phone, take a second to answer a text message. You said you’re going to be somewhere, be there. If something came up and you can’t be, then send a text or make a phone call. Living in the world is simply not that hard. Well, apparently it is for me right now. Every time I get a text from my old roommate like “umm I guess you’re not making it” or from an old college friend like “did you get my text? It’s not like you to not answer!” I feel a stab of guilt that I’m blowing everyone off. Obviously, my friends understand that I have babies (two! I have two! Seriously, blows everyone’s mind) now and that my life is a bit chaotic, but like I said, I’ve always been pretty on top of this shit. I hate letting my friends down.
But, on the plus side, it’s nice to know that it isn’t just my kids that can make me feel terribly guilty!