Worst. Friend. Ever.

Since I’m such a goddamn perfectionist, while also managing to be one of the laziest goddamn people I know, I knew motherhood would be…difficult for me.  I figure what better way to deal with my mental anguish at not being the perfect Lorelai Gilmore-perfect mother (I realize that June Cleaver is the usual reference here, but she’s become Stepford-wife creepy in my brain, so no thanks) than by documenting all the things I beat myself up over, and posting them to the internet.  No way this can go wrong.  Nope.  No way. No how.

Actual image of me

Actual image of me

Even before I had kids, I was pretty introverted – nearly to the point of being a hermit.  Approximately 85% of the time, I’d prefer to hang out at home, drinking wine and watching Netflix, to going out to the bar and drinking.  Even if I did leave the house, it was usually just to go to someone else’s house to hang out.  But I was good about one thing – you always knew if I was coming or not.  Even if you never saw me for months on end, you always got my RSVPs.  I rarely missed texts to hang out (even if I declined the invitation) and I always cleared out my Facebook invites (and not just with a bunch of Maybes).  But holy crap since having kids I’ve become the friend I hate. The one who is always on her phone – checking up on the babies! – but answers texts like hours later, if at all.  Who you find out isn’t coming to your party / dinner / whatever when she just fails to show up (and you determine she isn’t dead).

Now, before I had kids I hated this person (before it was me it was actually a boy, but whatever) because I felt like it was rude and disrespectful.  You’ve got your phone, take a second to answer a text message.  You said you’re going to be somewhere, be there.  If something came up and you can’t be, then send a text or make a phone call.  Living in the world is simply not that hard.  Well, apparently it is for me right now.  Every time I get a text from my old roommate like “umm I guess you’re not making it” or from an old college friend like “did you get my text? It’s not like you to not answer!” I feel a stab of guilt that I’m blowing everyone off.  Obviously, my friends understand that I have babies (two!  I have two! Seriously, blows everyone’s mind) now and that my life is a bit chaotic, but like I said, I’ve always been pretty on top of this shit.  I hate letting my friends down.

But, on the plus side, it’s nice to know that it isn’t just my kids that can make me feel terribly guilty!

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One thought on “Worst. Friend. Ever.

  1. You don’t let me down, love. In fact, you’re one of my closest friends, and I am grateful for that everyday. Thank you for being so awesome- even after having babies. Also, Lorelei Gilmore was far from a perfect mother, just so you know.

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