So, as I discussed on Monday, we sleep trained the girls over Christmas. And I learned a surprising amount about my babies – and myself – during that week. In a lot of ways, it was the week that made me feel like a mom more than anything else prior.
Obviously, I was a mom before we did sleep training. I’m not trying to suggest that I wasn’t. But I always felt a little off balance, like I wasn’t really the authority on my kids that I should have been. I’m not sure if it’s because there were two of them, so it was twice as hard to get to know them, or if it was because we’re living with my parents so it was very easy to lean on my mom when I was unsure about a decision.
But with sleep training, BB and I were on our own. And while BB is a completely involved father, staying at home with them three days a week, he had no interest in formulating a plan. Whatever i wanted to do, he was on board, but he really didn’t care what it was. So I was on my own in planning. And tweaking the plan if needed. And what I discovered was that I didn’t need to tweak the plan – what I came up with worked for me and my kids. And as we moved through the sleep training process I felt like I learned more and more about them – I was able to determine which kind of cry needed to be reacted to right away and which could be left for a few minutes. I could tell who was up, and how likely they were to go back to sleep. I was feeling fewer and fewer uncontrollable urges to go check on them to make sure they were breathing.
I was starting to feel like a mom. Given a situation with little support (like I said, BB supported whatever I wanted to do, but he’s at work 3 nights a week so I’m putting them to bed alone, and he had no interest in planning), I was able to care for my babies – as individuals – and learn who they were – and gain more confidence as their mom, which I think shows during the day.