How To Leave The House With Twins in 20 Easy Steps

  1. Turn on a Disney movie and straighten up the mess they’ve made while they’re distracted
  2. Leave the room to pack you diaper bag, god help you if you run out of diapers / can’t find a toy / don’t have snacks while you’re out
  3. Poke your head back into the room 12345 times to make sure they’re not killing each other, realize they’re re-making the mess you just cleaned up.  Go back and re-clean it.
  4. Throw the packed diaper bag in the car and start it so it’s warm when you leave.  Suddenly remember you have less than a quarter of a tank of gas left and remind yourself to stop and get gas
  5. Go back in the house and put on your shoes and pull out your jacket so you’re ready to walk out the door when they are
  6. Herd them into the room with the diaper changing station, resign yourself to the fact that the room will remain a mess and remind yourself to lock the dog out of it
  7. Change one diaper, repeatedly tell second child that no, the dog is outside and she does not need a treat right now
  8. Change second diaper, this time repeatedly telling second child that she’s not a baby and doesn’t need a bottle
  9. Quickly clean up the mess they have made of the kitchen and dining room while trying to make sure they don’t go up the stairs while your back is turned
  10. Let the dog in, immediately chase her out of the living room and lock the gate so she won’t chew any toys while you’re gone
  11. Put on the first child’s shoes, notice they’re getting snug, remind yourself to check for the next size up
  12. Grab the 2nd child who has wandered into the kitchen and put her shoes on
  13. Put sweatshirt on one child, try in vain to get her to leave the zipper zipped & hood up
  14. Switch and repeat
  15. Open front door and herd them out, helping them down the stairs so they don’t fall
  16. Successfully get to the car, put first child in car seat and run to retrieve second child before she runs into the street
  17. Put second child in the car seat and buckle her in
  18. Go back and buckle in the first child, who you abandoned to save her sister
  19. Change the Pandora station to something they enjoy
  20. Realize while at the gas station with the window open that you forgot to put on your jacket
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One thought on “How To Leave The House With Twins in 20 Easy Steps

  1. Even with a 2-month old, leaving the house hasn’t been the same since before having kids. Glad to see nothing will change for at least a year and a half for us. Wonderful!

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